XIII

Let it die! Let things die! 

Let death come! Let death swallow you!

Better yet, swallow death!

Get full on it. 

✂︎

currently unshelving: the lifelong fear of my own thigh meat

burn my old repressions to the ground

let my skin darken by the light of their flames

i find my jealousy doesnt actually suit me

cannot squeeze up over these hips

no more sugar in the hood just sweetness

(sing to a tune of your choosing)

sugar kills my daddy and its ugly
candy in his sock drawer, ugly
cookies in the floorboards, ugly
ice cream in his sleep 
and monsters in the morning

I pray every day, white sugar
please stop making my jaw weak
I know the choice is on me
and these holes in my head are ugly
teeth rotting my appetite, ugly
reminders that she comes to kill me

but shes so sweet
shes made a loyal fool out of me
Shes just so sweet
I dont know how she could do this to me

(repeat until death)

a reason to be alone:

Sweet lover. Bring with you a sense maker for my sadness
A recollection of my importance
Soothe me for I have been saving all my unsoothables
To be tended by a soft an innocent hand
Is that you sweet? My shelter?

🁗


because i am deep in my undoing, 
unraveling my disdain for the self
i am awfully wet right now 
i am soaked through my clothes
i am trudging through

because i am busy reversing all of my unloving
yes, rewinding my embarrassment
it is hard to make a full sentence
it is hard to focus on anything, be it still or moving

because i am knee deep in my own heart

i just cant come outside right now

not yet. 


where is the trouble in your heart

is it salacious?

is it black, or almost purple

does it spread

will joy kill it?

does your laughter make it grow tired 

is it unreachable?


the solitude that death creates allows for a deep dissection of the heart. 
allows for one to make a cast of the skin, and set it aside for other use. 
or better, let it rest on their shrine in tribute and remembrance of the self. 
how she died. how we loved her. 

The truth is that my heart belongs to me. It beats for me and will die in the darkness of my chest. There is nothing else to know.